I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
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oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
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She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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