I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
