What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
