we have officially lost it.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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