Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
