I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
