Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
