I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
