guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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