I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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