My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
