YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
