how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
