$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
