I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
how drunk are you?
Several
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
