We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
