my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
only if we run a train.
done.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
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It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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