i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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