I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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