just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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