I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
