the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I believe in your delicious
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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