It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
