How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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