Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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