I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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