He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
