I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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