i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
