You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
we're making bets on your personal life
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
