I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
