So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
