Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
