i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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