My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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