you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
