i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
