She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
