I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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