You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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