my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
