I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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