Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
