I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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