Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
