trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
