i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
