Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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