You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I got inside last night via doggy door
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
