I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
