Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
