also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I think my vagina is haunted
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
