Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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