Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Life is so much better after having sex.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
