I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He felt like a one man threesome
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
