her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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