I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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