Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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