I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
