she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
