I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
