a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
