So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
