dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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