the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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