I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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