Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
