Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize