So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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