I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
