What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
