Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
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We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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