He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
