I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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