ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
