She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
