I'm gonna have a badass scar
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
