I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
