She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
