Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
