just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
