you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
