Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
ttyl tear gas
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
