woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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