white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
